I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
