How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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