Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
