Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
