he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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