I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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