Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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