He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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