i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
