Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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