Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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