oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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