I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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