So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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