don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
