i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
