I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
