i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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