Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
