If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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