the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
