anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
