then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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