Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
