Jerry, you need to find god
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
