Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
