I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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