I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
