another moral hangover. fuck.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
