Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
