How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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