My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
