There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
