OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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