mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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