wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He keeps bees of course he's weird
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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