Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
