how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That was before I lit my hair on fire
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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