i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
