i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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