hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
