Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
