8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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