just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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