she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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