whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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