We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
