Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
