I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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