perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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