Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
