Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
