I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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