My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
